Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
