I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
