I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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