It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
