there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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