2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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