Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
