did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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