So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
