I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
