ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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