Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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