walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
