im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
