is your mom at the bar?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
