He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
