I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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