I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
