i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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