if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
