He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
