I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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