so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want her autograph on my taint
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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