i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
