i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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