You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
