i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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