i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
