I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
