Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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