Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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