if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
