We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've blown a few things in my day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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