This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
birth control should be required to get into college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
