i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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