My brain says no but my pants say off.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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