I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
