i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
