i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
