I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
