when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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