How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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