ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
