he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
