dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
