Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
