Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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