i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
