What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
