My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
