I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
