dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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