I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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