pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
