You can't motorboat a personality
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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